Dark Room Song TWO times gone.

Dark Room Again⇑

I like to imagine what it would feel like
to not have to think,
But it's too much to think about.

In this bed,
In this moment,
My body doesn't understand.

I realize that now,
Oh wow,
Only now
I realize.
That my body has just been following me around.

Only now I realize,
That we all just follow the words
in our voices and in our heads,
That we all just
let our bodies
become the shadow of our minds.

This dark room.
So many times I have tried to step out of this.
I've tried to make space enough,
to look back
from afar.

Like I do with the others,
I've done it for them,
So many times.
It's what I am.

But here it's impossible,
Just because it's me,
It's like I can't leave,
Like I've got my back to my own self.

If I could move away,
I know what I'd see,
I could tell you,
But it's not the same as seeing it.

Torture
Torture
TWO againTorture
Undeniable,
That it's cruel torture.

The wounds healed
by nothing more than a smile.

Not even given a touch

That's the worst,
Absolutely that's the worst.
A smile, a word,
Then
healed.

Without even a touch.

Not a mark left.
Forgotten.
Clean.

Safe,
Peaceful,
Innocent and
ignorant.

Forgive myself,Forget myself.

Completely unprepared each time it returns.
Nothing is safe.
Nothing is clean.

In this dark room,
Now here I am,
Tears that don't reach past my nose.
The worst kind.

When will it be that I forget this moment again?

Waiting for the blindness.
Denial.
Security.

In this moment I'm alone,
In this bed,
In this dark room.

In this body I'm alone.


It hurts to see that moment,
In my head
and on the back of my eyelids,
On the blackness in this room.

I see the green,
I see the tent.

Different darkness,
Different black,
Where shapes lived,
Or something,
Or feeling,
Or movement,
Or stillness,
Something lived there,
Not like now,
Different.
I was least alone in my body
then.
Right then,
I see it now,
It was then.

In this dark bed,
I touch my hands,
Not cool but warm
I can hardly bear to touch them,

More than anything in this room,
I hate the warmth
in these hands.

Bizarre.
A strange feeling of fear.
If EYE were to open that curtain,
I might find nothing more outside my window
than a wall,
An endless wall.
Not even red, but a dull cream,
In the windows,
In the doors.

I need it now,
I need to hear rain,
Really I need it.

Wind.
I need to hear wind.
A sick feeling,
Outside this dark room,
This house,
So quiet and still,
I get this sick feeling in my stomach.

I need to know somehow,
That the world is alive,
Outside of this bed,
This dark little room.

I need to hear the world again.

Pleading.

One short moment,
Out of this window,
I breathe in the world,
Not a wall but a world.
I want the world to take me
but I barely feel the touch of it.

The black is almost better.

In this dark room,
In this bed
I long for the rain,
For wind and air
and cars in the night.

In this dark room,
I see far less than I'd like to.
I just want to know
that the world outside is breathing.

Leaving this Dark Room,

My General two has gone,

agenda 201was her last song,

 TWO me an you,

 TWO hear from The World Outside this room.

Michael Jet Cox

Dad was in ground TWO weeks before I was told He was gone!